While High

I should be studying but I feel like I should share this with everyone.

This afternoon, before going to work I blazed with my roommate. And whenever I blaze and find myself alone I ALWAYS thing about life... Thats how I know I should be a psychologist, cuz I do that shit in my spare time

To topic I was thinking about was the differences between guys and girls. I was talking to roomie about something that was going on in my life and he gave me the guys perspective on it. And I thought guy and girls really are different. Really though, 2 different planets. Not only in thinking though, In our body type, thought processes, interests, socialization... basically everything really

And thats why jury councells and juding panels and other groups of people that need to make important and significant decisions are always encourages to have an equal amount of males to females. To get the differing perspectives! This is because we alreay recognize that males and females are different and want the presence of perspectives represented in the decision to be made. Essentially, we are NOT the same

And I thought, with our differences so blatently accepted in the society how can ANYONE really expect us to be treated fairly?

Especially when our differennces are so often presented in our faces? Talking about equality in the work force and other areas of life. It is contradictory of society to work towards the equal treatment of women to men, yet still emphasis the differences of thought they carry.

Is it just me or are they trying to put us all in the same group, when we belong in different.

I know... its a conundrum. But then I think maybe it was this obvious differences between maels and females that people recognized and reacted to during the strongly patriarical times. I think, during this time, people were aware of the differences males and females had to simply chose which one they preferred. I'm sure there are other factors that influences the culture of these times, but I believe that this was a subconscious decison (or maybe im just talking the most shit right now)

Anyways... they knew there were differences, they didnt try to hid them, and put them under the carpet. Instead they addressed them full on and encouraged a sexism era.

But then I thought, perhaps it wasnt the rocognition of the differences that encouraged sexism, but sexism that encouraged the differences. From there I just went in circles in my mind... creating theories, providing evidence, then contradicting them and doing it all over again.

But I hope you guys follow what I was trying to say... hope it made sense!

I Just want to be a Skater Girl

This is my inspiration

I really just want a skateboard. I feel like once I get that I'm going to be very happy with my life.

Sister was like "Don't you have other more important things to worry about then getting a skateboard, like your house, furniture and school"
I said "Yeah but that's a bridge I know I'm going to cross, I know I am going to get through it no matter what. I just want to know whats on the other side. And on the other side is a Skateboard!"

Right now I'm just trying to learn more about skateboards and what to start with, because I don't want to pay pro skateboard money when I don't plan on doing tricks and such. I just wanna kick, push and coast. Also because I don't want to mess up the bottom of my board

But safety first kids, that's why I'm getting my helmet, elbow pads (I already have knee pads) and then the skateboard and then all is well.

This is how I think Im gonna feel. im going to get the skatboard and then be happy, then try and learn how to do it, realize that it is really hard and then want to give up and besad, and then I'll remember how much I wanted the skatboard,the try harder and actually get it down. And then I'll be happy again.

...

So recently I have been spending the days at my house on the porch watching Tv or a movie or something, nothing at all really.
Then this morning I blazed and I came to a few theories of life:

1. Today in the shower I was thinking that when the school season starts my dad and probably Brenda too are going to subconsciously not like my brother. Ill tell you why. I think Its very intelligent.

Alright my dad has 4 kids: boy, girl, girl, girl. Starting from the bottom my sister will be living with my mom because it is an easier commute. I will be away in Ottawa and my older sister has always lived with her mom. Now that just leaves broskii at home.

He is basically a grown man, and he will be the only reason why dad and Brenda do not have the house to themselves and are not able to walk around naked if they please (I'm assuming everyone likes doing this because I do).

So because he is the only one living at the house their not gonna like him very much, and I bet hes gonna want to move out as soon as possible too feeling the tension.

But that's just my theory, maybe its true, maybe not only time will tell. but I think it makes sense.

2. People always make the assumption that because I am taking Psychology in school that I believe I have the right to analyze them. I just want to make something clear I do not analyze you because I took a little psychology course. I took a psychology course because I love to analyze you.

I just take the course to see if my theories are right, or justified.

On another note, I need to go shopping soon and get some clothes of my own, Need to talk to Chief, Believe Ill be needing some more furniture for my room, like shelves and a dresser. Tomorrow Im going to the Science Centre with Randal. Should be interesting, but he skimped on me saying he needs to be home by 6.30 (boo)

I believe thats all... Catch you guys later!

Life is (Un)Fair

I don't know if many of you have noticed already. Those of you that see me often and are around when bad things happen in my life. But I consciously try to keep a smile on. I try to look at the good things and just understand why this happened to me.

I am the biggest believer in Everything Happens for a reason and there are no such things as coincidences. And that there is too much good in this world to be focusing on the bad

For example take a look at the time I am posting this and my last post. Usually I wouldn't becoming in this early but something happened that lead me to my house at this time. I am kind of upset, but at the same time I know, it probably wasn't meant to be, me being there. (Although It would have been very nice!)

I am trying to justify the reasons for me being at my house right now and all I can come up with is the selfishness of another. But I am just going to believe that there was a reason that I don't know or understand that justified his actions. And thats enough for me to live with

If you know me. most likely you haven't known me for very long. I don't have a group of friends that I have grown up with me or those from elementary times. Probably because I made the decision to go to far schools which ultimately made it hard to keep the friendships i had. But on the other side. The friendships I do have now, I try to make the most out of them.

I believe in spending time with someone. And not so much in a group setting, because then its you interacting with a group and not trying to get to know the person individually. How they act when they are alone, is who they really are. With no pressure from others. That is the person in all my friends that I want to see. Who you really are.

I believe I also try to do this because I really want that kind of friendship where I have known a person all my life, but since I dont have that I want a strong friendship. I just want people in my life who are down for anything and Believe in me and Trust in me the way I would believe and trust in them too.

Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT a loner. I have friends, but sometimes when I want to do things they are not available or whatnot. Whether they live to far, or doing this or that.

As Simple Plan Said:
"I think I got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them"

I guess thats why I am so willing to go out to do things with people when they invite me. Because I want to build a friendship with someone. but it upsets me that with guys they want more then a friendship. I just want to be that girl that you like to spend time with. That girl that you invite out downtown just to have a hotdog with and talk about life. I'll gladly be that girl.

But back to everything happening for a reason.
I dont know if i believe in God so much as the rest of my family does, but I do believe in the universe and balance. I believe that everyone deserves good unless they have done bad. And there is too many little good things that go unnoticed in this world.

For example I always try to comment on other blog posts because I know the feeling I get when I see I have a comment.
Or understanding/believing in peoples decisions, because I would want people to do the same to me
Or spreading the bed, accepting an invitation, being welcoming, smiling, hugging, pouring a drink, giving a massage.. I don't know a lot of little things

And I guess people just don't understand how the power all the little things together can make a person feel and that's why they don't return the favor can be discerning. But I don't stop because all I want to do is make my company happy, and hope they appreciate it.

That's why I say there is too much good to focus on the bad. Because even though I may have turned 20 and received only a gift card and a bracelet, I sometimes work extra hard just to find company to go out with, fell my opinion is unheard. I smile, because why should I be sad?

There is too much that life has to offer for me to dwell on the negatives. That's why I say, you only live one life, so make it worth it. Everyone knows you have to take the good with the bad. Its how you react to it that matters.

I know that sometime Ill find myself walking home in the rain without a umbrella and some unknown time in the night all scared and shit. I know that Ill make it to my house, to my bed, where I'll go to sleep and wake up to a new day.

ps. to all my friends that have noticed the small things, Im glad I made you smile!

My Motto

Do what feels good