Showing posts with label Amanda. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Amanda. Show all posts

Thursday, April 29, 2010

what to do

its summer time and I just moved.

Soim looking for a new job in my new area and I see Toys R Us, Ive already worked there once before as customer service and apply for assitant manager, but dont get it. Instead they offer me customer service again, only in the babies department. boo

so then I think, Ive been working at Metro for a minute now and think to go for supervisor. I ask people around and they think its a good idea. I go to the manager and she says now, some bullshit like theres no openings or some shit like that. That's a lie.

So right now I dont know what to do. Go to TRU for a job i already had, only this time worse and take a step backwards. Stay at metro and wait it out, cuz i know stupid manager is gonna realize that the supervisors she has now are leaving and have me take their place. OR just totally leave Metro, and say FUCK YOU!

any suggestions?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Jamaica


Recently Ive been seeing the world through racist eyes. Everytime I look at white people they get me mad. Expecially rich white people, Especially old white people, and the men I dont like white old rich men
I look at the world I'm in and think, this is not the only way it can be. I'm looking at it and thinking this 'world' that I live in was created for white people, by white people. Thats why those that are minorities are having a hard time. Because the system was not created for them, it was created to exploit them, and use our abilities for their benefit.
I was taking a shower today and looked at my rag, created by a white person, looked at my shower gel, created by a white person. Everything I look at was probably created by a white person. Proably the only culture influence was the hands that put these items together.
Thats why I want to go to Jamaica for a month. and then maybe after that I want to go to Africa. I just want to experience a world that was created for me. A black person. instead of living in someone elses world.
Ive thought about it and my dad is going this summer, so im going to go with him. adn just stay after he leaves, and meet my family and do all that kind of stuff. It will be kinda like an indentity finding, souls searching mission.
I only have one problem, no one wants to go with me. I mean I'm going down one way or another, alone or with someone. Im just saying it would be more interesting and more fun to go down with a friend. So if your interested in going to jamaica with me this summer. let me know!

Dreaming


last night I had a dream. Its kinda long. I hope you guys dont mind. for the skimmers, I'll put the most important parts in bold

There were 2 brothers. They were yound like maybe 7 and 9 and they were bownm, they were very very close to eachother. One day they went shopping with their mom at the grocery store. They stole a few things but still helped their mom get the food she wanted. They saw some friends there and said waduup to them. On the way home they play around and help their mother unpack the groceries. The mother starts cooking. The boys go in their chill spot and fall asleep. They wake up to smoke. The police come and they start shooting in the other room. The oldest brother runs out and closes the door so they cant shoot there anymore. Everything is calm for a moment. They go outside and their mother is there, everything is calm. The boys go back inside and the police radio says "52, 52! Get out Get Out!" the younger boy fell asleep and the older one woke him up and ran him outside. They go into the mothers room and can't find her, they assume shes outside where she was before. The run down the stairs, unlock the door and leave. They embrace eachotherm for making it out alove! They look for their mother but cant find her. A man walks up the the little brother and starts asking him questions. The little borhter cant undertsand him, because he is talking in their language too fast. SO the older borther stepps in and finished their conversation. The younger brother notices something in the older brothers shirts. The older brother was hiding a police wire in his shirt. the younger brother gets suspicious and questions him. the older brother says it was to get the police to save them. The younger brother accepts it, and they start walking, following the crowds. The older brother at this time, hear the man talking to another man, about him and stops for the compliments. The younger brother does not like this.

They get to a party. the older brother walks infron of the younger, and the younger pushes him out of the way. (this is where the younger brother turns into a girl, more specifically, me. Remember is it a dream). then I see a dude from area and I ask him if hes seen my mom, he says he hasnt seen anything. I turn around and ask this girl if shes seen my mom she starts flirting with me, and I start to get angry. i tell her about the fire and the whole story, while were dancing. This is where I'm conviced that she is a lesbian. she says there was no fire. I get made and kick her, she must have fought back because somehow i ended up on the floor, by this guys feet where he was sitting. he reaches to pick me up.... and then my alarm went off.

yeah, that was basically my dream. Im wondering if it means something and what would have happened if I didnt wake up

Saturday, March 20, 2010

the time

I think there is a moment in everyones life that they actually have to stop and thinkg abotu their actions and where life is leading them, and if they like where the road leads.

not to say that I'm much a philosopher, but I have been thinking deeply about things. It had to do with school, and people, and family. Just one big mixture of all three ingredients.

I dont know where to start. I wont really go into detail, but I think I need to spend more time on myself, just sitting down being by myself, and less primarily smoking and in the party scene. It screwed me up last semester, and it's happening again right now.

So I have deleted my facebook, just to get out of the loop, and spend more of my time on what I'm supposed to be doing like studying, or something like that.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

BYOB

This past Saturday me and my roomate held a house party at the crib. Everything was free all they had to do was bring their own alcohol.

Let me tell you how cramped it was in there! wooow!



Those were just a few

and then there was the aftermath

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Guess Whos Back

Just like i said, I was coming back.

I left yall for a MINUTE still, but then i thought I'm going through alot of shit and why keep it all to my self.

so before i Get so deep with all of you... i wanted to give you a little peek of what I've been into Lately.

Meet Theophilus London...

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

While High


I should be studying but I feel like I should share this with everyone.

This afternoon, before going to work I blazed with my roommate. And whenever I blaze and find myself alone I ALWAYS thing about life... Thats how I know I should be a psychologist, cuz I do that shit in my spare time

To topic I was thinking about was the differences between guys and girls. I was talking to roomie about something that was going on in my life and he gave me the guys perspective on it. And I thought guy and girls really are different. Really though, 2 different planets. Not only in thinking though, In our body type, thought processes, interests, socialization... basically everything really

And thats why jury councells and juding panels and other groups of people that need to make important and significant decisions are always encourages to have an equal amount of males to females. To get the differing perspectives! This is because we alreay recognize that males and females are different and want the presence of perspectives represented in the decision to be made. Essentially, we are NOT the same

And I thought, with our differences so blatently accepted in the society how can ANYONE really expect us to be treated fairly?

Especially when our differennces are so often presented in our faces? Talking about equality in the work force and other areas of life. It is contradictory of society to work towards the equal treatment of women to men, yet still emphasis the differences of thought they carry.

Is it just me or are they trying to put us all in the same group, when we belong in different.

I know... its a conundrum. But then I think maybe it was this obvious differences between maels and females that people recognized and reacted to during the strongly patriarical times. I think, during this time, people were aware of the differences males and females had to simply chose which one they preferred. I'm sure there are other factors that influences the culture of these times, but I believe that this was a subconscious decison (or maybe im just talking the most shit right now)

Anyways... they knew there were differences, they didnt try to hid them, and put them under the carpet. Instead they addressed them full on and encouraged a sexism era.

But then I thought, perhaps it wasnt the rocognition of the differences that encouraged sexism, but sexism that encouraged the differences. From there I just went in circles in my mind... creating theories, providing evidence, then contradicting them and doing it all over again.

But I hope you guys follow what I was trying to say... hope it made sense!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

no longer strange but great

lately i was thinking about totally exing this blog

I was thinking somethings along the line of...

if you guys really wanted to know me, then you would pick up your phone and give me a call.
It is much too easy to just see someone through the computer
For some reason people find it easier to talk to others over twitter/facebook/email and shit
Its the same reason Im thinking about taking away my wall

BUT you if want to know whats going on in my life then you know what to do

then I talked to Shem, and she told me not to ex the blog

Instead its gonna go through a few changes on my side... no more life stories.
From now, just things I feel are important enough to tell you guys.

Friday, November 13, 2009

...BRB Grinding

yooo school is so hard right now. I fkkn live at the lirbrary. I literally have no break till december 21 (the last day of my exams)

till then you wont see me. I'm on my grind

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

WHY I FKKN LOVE MY SISTER!


1 Love T.O. was holding a contest for tickets to the Kid Cudi show in 3 weeks. I put in my little two cents of why I need to go to the concert but check what this bitch said:

i gotta give this a shot..

i was reading what other people wrote but i decided to stop cuz i gotta write this from my heart.

not only am i a huge fan of kid cudi the artist, but also of scot mescudi the man.

he’s real, he’s original, he’s raw and he’s pure talent. his music speaks to me on a level no other artist has reached. each word touches my heart, each beat makes my head nod. his life and career is inspiration to me to live my life to the fullest and reach every dream my kush powered mind conjures up, no matter how extreme and unlikely they might be. he really makes me think i can do anything, because he did it. and he’s just a regular guy. i feel like man on the moon is literally the soundtrack to my life. its like he somehow recorded my whole life and put all 18 years into an album.

“Ive got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me.”
somehow, even though he is a 24 year old dude from Cleveland and im an 18 year old girl from scarborough.. he understands.


everyone knows that when your a teenager you go through things, its a difficult time meant for learning and growing. but many artists forget what its like because their caught up with how they’re currently living. they’ve forgotten how they got to that point. they didnt always have the money, cars, clothes and hoes. and he knows that, i love that he isnt caught up. he’s still just scot mescudi to me. and he will always be, no matter where the fame takes him. and thats why i want to see him in person. i have to witness the creative genius that is kid cudi live, i want to see the way he moves when he’s on stage, i want to hear his voice live, i want to see how different songs make him feel. and i want to see him now, when he’s still new and fresh. before he starts playing big arenas and i’ll only be able to see him from the very last row… im no rockefeller.

basically, his shit’s more refreshing than the nestea plunge,

i wont be able to accept it if he’s in toronto, playing a small intimate show, and im not there. i just cant. i feel like its my duty to him to go, to show him that he has real fans up here. real fans that dont like him because he’s cute or has swag. real fans that know the words to more that just day n nite, and they actually understand what that song is about. real fans that didn’t just hop on the bandwagon after they heard him on 808’s and heartbreak. real fans that care about the content of his music, real fans that listen to the words, and real fans that will find a way to be at that show. i am a real fan, and i hope that 1LOVE TO will be my way.

-dee

Thanks Sister!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Nov. 28 2009

Ya'll need to hear this right now:

Im seeing this guy in toronto meet me ther the 28th at Kool haus...

This is why dude is the greatest, hes fkkn MAKING TRACKS in a FREESTYLE!!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Scary Pizza Man

LOL so I came back from this wack party... but its okay cuz it was right down the street but then I came home and something strange happened

As soon as we walked into the door and got comfortable we hard a banging on the door. We started looking for weapons. I got the knife, and Roomie answered the man through the window

It was a pizza man saying we bought pizza, we were like Nooo, we just came in. Then he said your numbers not 210 2653, n were like Nooo. Then we reverse looked up that number to find an address cuz he told us to and there were no results.

the point is that the man was about to leave when I thought 'hmm, I am kinda hungry... and the pizza is already here.' so then we bought the pizza that someone pranked calle d to our house. Invited the Dj over and smoked, ate, watched a movie (I had to clean a little cuz I have someone coming to the house early in the morning), then slept.

thats me after 1 slice of pizza, while we were waiting for the Dj.

Friday, October 30, 2009

i dont know if i have mentioned this to you yet. but I am trying to be a skater girl... and im ALMOST there!!

I believe from the middle of the summer I been talking aout wanting to be a skater girl, the walk, and talk thetalk, and even knowing how to skateboard. So today I was talking to my boy and he said that I have the fashion of the skateboarder (thats the walk), I believe I have the attitude of the skater girl (walk again), so right now I just have to LEARN TO SKATEBOARD!! I'ts so hard, or maybe its just really hard for me to learn new sports and its harder just for me to learn it , digressing.. But even though its hard I think im doing really good. after only maybe a week of learning this, Ive gotten through alot, I see my progress!!

I think im so happy at this because i was talking to my dad during thanksgiving and he waslk talking about living your dreams. and how they could be happening right now, even under our noses. So at the time i didn't appreciate it and just walked it of.. but then somehow it always lingered in the back of my mind and actually though tabout it and right now I'm really living my skateboarder dream... and that makes me happy.. lol (weird, I know, sad)

my point is that I bought a skateboard:



...please excuse how it looks, im in a different state of mind right now. Ill corrent when I remember again

Sunday, October 25, 2009

wheres my cutee?


I went to a party yesterday It was LIIVVEE as fuck... but now I have a problem

I got the Sweeeeeeeetest bubble.. One of those bubbles that makes you wish there was something more, one of the ones that you wake up thinking about... a fkkn good ass bubble. And i'm already sexuallly deprived right now.. can be having me wake up thinking about that sweet bubble wishing there was more.

Horney + Sexually Deprived = Males beware I might pounce.
I'm just saying, if you get too close... I have no control over what happens.

Then I went home and saw this:

Untitled from Victor Del Toro on Vimeo.


I'm no lesbian, but this shit is more then Hot.

Ps. if your wondering why you didn't get a bubble. I have 3 criteria of bubble giving:
  1. you have to be cool in my books to get a bubble. Not cool = no bubble
  2. Most likely if your my Ting, or if I think that you believe that this bubble will lead to something more, its not gonna happen. I just give a bubble for the bubble and nothing more.
  3. If I respect you, look up to you, or I find you as a role model for me... your not getting a bubble. I would just find it to be awkward.
That's the stitch, now you know

Thursday, October 22, 2009

grandpa wedding

mother and grandfather
3 generations
me n mom








grandmother
the family that you have never met before and you never knew about



ugh I know Im super late, but I tried before and it wasn't working so I took it as a sign.
But here they are now... enojoy

Friday, October 9, 2009

Im Home

alright so take it in.. I'm back in Toronto

I needed this, come back to the roots, be myself again. Ottawa had me stressed.
So now im here and I feel like the Amanda in Ottawa is shitty compared to the Amanda in Toronto. I missed myself.

but it feels kinda weird, like I'm a guest in my own house, whatever better then shitty shitty Ottawa

But yeah Rogers did me soo wrong.. so right now I don't have a Text plan and apparently its 15cents to receive and send a text, So I wont be doing either right now. have Something to tell me either call (and keep it short cuz I only got 200 minutes) or send a text, Im able to read approximately 6 words without opening it.

...get at me


this is my shit

btw promise next time Imma keep it 100 with everything going on

Sunday, October 4, 2009

sorry no pics

life is hard man and its starting to get to me... you ever feel like there is tension all around you and your try to ignore it but there is only so much you can do and the only thing that will relieve you is to stay out of that environment? well thats where I'm at right now.

But there is a boy... hes pretty cool. Like the only thing I look forward to in Ottawa and hes not even here. That, and the next time I'll be leaving Ottawa.

Ottawa just sucks, thats all.

Monday, September 28, 2009

im here

AAAHhhhh god sorry for not posting but damn school is getting to me hardcore. Its a matter of feeling like im always behind and then being off campus and not knowing when my next meal is coming and what its going to be... and then there are other things too. Not ready to share quite yet sorry.

But I am alive and well, if you were wondering. I have alot of shit to do though
Friday going to New Jersey - Grand dad renewing vows (hopefully ill have poictures)
The Next weekend is Thanksgiving - going home
The Next weekend may or may not be going to Montreal... gotta see what the economy is saying in my pocket

Got a job... pretty shitty though, But its just the job before a get a better one

Wish me luck with life, feel like im slipping away....

Monday, September 7, 2009

Miss MIA

sorry I been so MIA, but its cuz of a bunch of little reasons:
  1. I was kinda really home sick. I literally took my whole room with me and I was thinking that when I go back home I don't really have a room waiting for me.
  2. The whole adjustment with living with two guys. It really is an adjustment, a shocker kinda too. But don't worry I'm regulating! It may be hard to live with me because I'm kinda a neat freak, but they knew this before moving day. I was wondering if it was even a good idea to move in with guys
  3. There is still one more important thing that I have to deal with. Im being patient but time is uf the essence
  4. Ive been trying very hard to get a job... still on the hunt though
  5. Turns out I'm a Facil. Basically one of the people that help out with FROSH week at Carleton. Everyday I'm waking up early yelling, chanting and jumping then getting home super late at night. But they feed me everyday, so I'm happy... But im getting darker by the minute
otherwise everything is pretty sweet over here!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Im Settled

So yesterday I landed in Ottawa, just wanted everyone to know that I'm doing well. Everything is unpacked and right now I'm just chillin and trying to look for a job