I certainty feel this aura that is currently present, is of high importance to blog about. I'm at my friends apartment trying to do what we call a "grave yard shift." This is basically a power study. (adopting as many pertinent material to study for eight hours straight.) Although I project to be studying, internally i am far beyond my books. I am lost in a battle of my own thoughts. In the midst of my inner crusade a familiar sound rings bringing me back to reality. I look at my phone and it's a text from my older sister. I pick up my phone to read I can't wait to see Mama Those words drew a scent of depression that i felt wrapped around my heart and held it hostage.
What is wrong with her? My Grandma was all we knew. She didn't bring us into this world, but she left an imprint on us. I read the message over and over and each word i read aloud held me by the collar and pushed me more and more into a dismal state of mind. I try so hard not to remember her. I hate the thought of her. He presence was one of tranquility that would soothe any troubled soul and because that is what i lack in life i try so hard to forget her.
I went as far back in retrospect as i could and it brought me to a time when my cousin and i got into the biggest argument of our kindergarten lives. I was so angry with her i told her not to even consider coming to my birthday party. Her counter attack was that she never planned on coming. Mama came (the saint she was) and told us to shake hands and forget. Two seconds later we picked up our barbies and began to tell a story with them.
I fast forwarded to the present and felt so disgusted with myself. I chose to repress that idea of Mama and along with that repression went everything she taught me. Why though? I feel as though that text came in good timing. It made me apply that to the personal conflict i was having while i was suppose to be studying. It's not hard to forgive people. No ones perfect. That only thing we can be is human. Imagin if God never forgave.There's a saying that goes "When you chose to not forgive someone you allow them to have a hold over you." Why give them that pleasure. Open your heart and forgive someone. The weight you are able to lift through forgiveness is alleviating.
