what to do

its summer time and I just moved.

Soim looking for a new job in my new area and I see Toys R Us, Ive already worked there once before as customer service and apply for assitant manager, but dont get it. Instead they offer me customer service again, only in the babies department. boo

so then I think, Ive been working at Metro for a minute now and think to go for supervisor. I ask people around and they think its a good idea. I go to the manager and she says now, some bullshit like theres no openings or some shit like that. That's a lie.

So right now I dont know what to do. Go to TRU for a job i already had, only this time worse and take a step backwards. Stay at metro and wait it out, cuz i know stupid manager is gonna realize that the supervisors she has now are leaving and have me take their place. OR just totally leave Metro, and say FUCK YOU!

any suggestions?

Jamaica

Recently Ive been seeing the world through racist eyes. Everytime I look at white people they get me mad. Expecially rich white people, Especially old white people, and the men I dont like white old rich men

I look at the world I'm in and think, this is not the only way it can be. I'm looking at it and thinking this 'world' that I live in was created for white people, by white people. Thats why those that are minorities are having a hard time. Because the system was not created for them, it was created to exploit them, and use our abilities for their benefit.

I was taking a shower today and looked at my rag, created by a white person, looked at my shower gel, created by a white person. Everything I look at was probably created by a white person. Proably the only culture influence was the hands that put these items together.

Thats why I want to go to Jamaica for a month. and then maybe after that I want to go to Africa. I just want to experience a world that was created for me. A black person. instead of living in someone elses world.

Ive thought about it and my dad is going this summer, so im going to go with him. adn just stay after he leaves, and meet my family and do all that kind of stuff. It will be kinda like an indentity finding, souls searching mission.

I only have one problem, no one wants to go with me. I mean I'm going down one way or another, alone or with someone. Im just saying it would be more interesting and more fun to go down with a friend. So if your interested in going to jamaica with me this summer. let me know!

Dreaming

last night I had a dream. Its kinda long. I hope you guys dont mind. for the skimmers, I'll put the most important parts in bold

There were 2 brothers. They were yound like maybe 7 and 9 and they were bownm, they were very very close to eachother. One day they went shopping with their mom at the grocery store. They stole a few things but still helped their mom get the food she wanted. They saw some friends there and said waduup to them. On the way home they play around and help their mother unpack the groceries. The mother starts cooking. The boys go in their chill spot and fall asleep. They wake up to smoke. The police come and they start shooting in the other room. The oldest brother runs out and closes the door so they cant shoot there anymore. Everything is calm for a moment. They go outside and their mother is there, everything is calm. The boys go back inside and the police radio says "52, 52! Get out Get Out!" the younger boy fell asleep and the older one woke him up and ran him outside. They go into the mothers room and can't find her, they assume shes outside where she was before. The run down the stairs, unlock the door and leave. They embrace eachotherm for making it out alove! They look for their mother but cant find her. A man walks up the the little brother and starts asking him questions. The little borhter cant undertsand him, because he is talking in their language too fast. SO the older borther stepps in and finished their conversation. The younger brother notices something in the older brothers shirts. The older brother was hiding a police wire in his shirt. the younger brother gets suspicious and questions him. the older brother says it was to get the police to save them. The younger brother accepts it, and they start walking, following the crowds. The older brother at this time, hear the man talking to another man, about him and stops for the compliments. The younger brother does not like this.

They get to a party. the older brother walks infron of the younger, and the younger pushes him out of the way. (this is where the younger brother turns into a girl, more specifically, me. Remember is it a dream). then I see a dude from area and I ask him if hes seen my mom, he says he hasnt seen anything. I turn around and ask this girl if shes seen my mom she starts flirting with me, and I start to get angry. i tell her about the fire and the whole story, while were dancing. This is where I'm conviced that she is a lesbian. she says there was no fire. I get made and kick her, she must have fought back because somehow i ended up on the floor, by this guys feet where he was sitting. he reaches to pick me up.... and then my alarm went off.

yeah, that was basically my dream. Im wondering if it means something and what would have happened if I didnt wake up

the time

I think there is a moment in everyones life that they actually have to stop and thinkg abotu their actions and where life is leading them, and if they like where the road leads.

not to say that I'm much a philosopher, but I have been thinking deeply about things. It had to do with school, and people, and family. Just one big mixture of all three ingredients.

I dont know where to start. I wont really go into detail, but I think I need to spend more time on myself, just sitting down being by myself, and less primarily smoking and in the party scene. It screwed me up last semester, and it's happening again right now.

So I have deleted my facebook, just to get out of the loop, and spend more of my time on what I'm supposed to be doing like studying, or something like that.

While High

I should be studying but I feel like I should share this with everyone.

This afternoon, before going to work I blazed with my roommate. And whenever I blaze and find myself alone I ALWAYS thing about life... Thats how I know I should be a psychologist, cuz I do that shit in my spare time

To topic I was thinking about was the differences between guys and girls. I was talking to roomie about something that was going on in my life and he gave me the guys perspective on it. And I thought guy and girls really are different. Really though, 2 different planets. Not only in thinking though, In our body type, thought processes, interests, socialization... basically everything really

And thats why jury councells and juding panels and other groups of people that need to make important and significant decisions are always encourages to have an equal amount of males to females. To get the differing perspectives! This is because we alreay recognize that males and females are different and want the presence of perspectives represented in the decision to be made. Essentially, we are NOT the same

And I thought, with our differences so blatently accepted in the society how can ANYONE really expect us to be treated fairly?

Especially when our differennces are so often presented in our faces? Talking about equality in the work force and other areas of life. It is contradictory of society to work towards the equal treatment of women to men, yet still emphasis the differences of thought they carry.

Is it just me or are they trying to put us all in the same group, when we belong in different.

I know... its a conundrum. But then I think maybe it was this obvious differences between maels and females that people recognized and reacted to during the strongly patriarical times. I think, during this time, people were aware of the differences males and females had to simply chose which one they preferred. I'm sure there are other factors that influences the culture of these times, but I believe that this was a subconscious decison (or maybe im just talking the most shit right now)

Anyways... they knew there were differences, they didnt try to hid them, and put them under the carpet. Instead they addressed them full on and encouraged a sexism era.

But then I thought, perhaps it wasnt the rocognition of the differences that encouraged sexism, but sexism that encouraged the differences. From there I just went in circles in my mind... creating theories, providing evidence, then contradicting them and doing it all over again.

But I hope you guys follow what I was trying to say... hope it made sense!

no longer strange but great

lately i was thinking about totally exing this blog

I was thinking somethings along the line of...

if you guys really wanted to know me, then you would pick up your phone and give me a call.
It is much too easy to just see someone through the computer
For some reason people find it easier to talk to others over twitter/facebook/email and shit
Its the same reason Im thinking about taking away my wall

BUT you if want to know whats going on in my life then you know what to do

then I talked to Shem, and she told me not to ex the blog

Instead its gonna go through a few changes on my side... no more life stories.
From now, just things I feel are important enough to tell you guys.

Scary Pizza Man

LOL so I came back from this wack party... but its okay cuz it was right down the street but then I came home and something strange happened

As soon as we walked into the door and got comfortable we hard a banging on the door. We started looking for weapons. I got the knife, and Roomie answered the man through the window

It was a pizza man saying we bought pizza, we were like Nooo, we just came in. Then he said your numbers not 210 2653, n were like Nooo. Then we reverse looked up that number to find an address cuz he told us to and there were no results.

the point is that the man was about to leave when I thought 'hmm, I am kinda hungry... and the pizza is already here.' so then we bought the pizza that someone pranked calle d to our house. Invited the Dj over and smoked, ate, watched a movie (I had to clean a little cuz I have someone coming to the house early in the morning), then slept.

thats me after 1 slice of pizza, while we were waiting for the Dj.

i dont know if i have mentioned this to you yet. but I am trying to be a skater girl... and im ALMOST there!!

I believe from the middle of the summer I been talking aout wanting to be a skater girl, the walk, and talk thetalk, and even knowing how to skateboard. So today I was talking to my boy and he said that I have the fashion of the skateboarder (thats the walk), I believe I have the attitude of the skater girl (walk again), so right now I just have to LEARN TO SKATEBOARD!! I'ts so hard, or maybe its just really hard for me to learn new sports and its harder just for me to learn it , digressing.. But even though its hard I think im doing really good. after only maybe a week of learning this, Ive gotten through alot, I see my progress!!

I think im so happy at this because i was talking to my dad during thanksgiving and he waslk talking about living your dreams. and how they could be happening right now, even under our noses. So at the time i didn't appreciate it and just walked it of.. but then somehow it always lingered in the back of my mind and actually though tabout it and right now I'm really living my skateboarder dream... and that makes me happy.. lol (weird, I know, sad)

my point is that I bought a skateboard:



...please excuse how it looks, im in a different state of mind right now. Ill corrent when I remember again

Im Settled

So yesterday I landed in Ottawa, just wanted everyone to know that I'm doing well. Everything is unpacked and right now I'm just chillin and trying to look for a job

Everybody Meet Olivia

Olivia meet everyone My cousins girlfriend

this chick is just honestly too cool. Shes a, hmm approx. 18-20 year old living in a 16 year old body. She has 7 piercings on her face (4 ear holes, 2 cartilage and 1 nose) and a tattoo already. I only have 6 piercings and got them after I turned 20. She just wins. And this is the chick me and sister have been chillin with the last few days.

2 days ago
I see sister was channeling Nicki Minaj in this pic

Went to eat at Shoeless Joes with Telly

Then yesterday we went shopping and ended up at Mars, a really cool retro little eatery placeI think this pic is too cute. Next facebook display pic in my books

The food was Bomb! But I could barley fit the burger in my mouth

Then we let the itis kick in while watching SYTYCD Canada at Olivias place.

Now I know Ive said this before but I really like the company I was with yesterday, especially to go shopping with. Because I don't know how much of you know this, But I can say that I have no clothes of my own, and I'm not afraid to say that 98% of the clothes I wear are my little sisters and I have no idea how to shop. And they both have fashion sense (more like swagger sense), so I knew I was in good hands and it was really fun!

Ps. Like the pics? me too. Thanks to Olivia and her IPhone. Now I love my berry, but in terms of picture taking, IPhone wins. And Conrad being returned anyways, his speakerphone doesn't work and that just can't gwann.

Turns out Im Addicted

Live video by Ustream

Life Update

Alright, I have a story to tell you but I just cant right now. Maybe when I'm in Ottawa (ill be there on the first dont worry) But basically Im sitting at home on a thursday afternoon for a reason and I had to choose between a rock and a hard place. And something makes me feel like I made a wrong decision.

Dont worry you guys will know soon enough. If you'r luckey you already know!

But on another note, there is a proper way to wake someone up! I usually go for the soft rub on the arm or back or whatever gently say the persons name and tell them to get up.

Trust me, that what my mom used to do, and it had my waking up nice!

Slapping someone on the back is never good, and only makes them resent you tell their able to sleep again.

....And so it continues

Remember I told you that I got my PSP back, well before that I went hard!

So not only did I get my brothers to go to his house to pick up my shit, I also changed all his passwords. He fucked up so he lost access! No FB, no hotmail, no MSN.

Mama didn't raise no fool. I also changed mine!

And on the retrieval of my PSP changed back his passwords and everything was fine...

Yesterday I get a call from the mutual friend asking for the passwords back. This dude didn't even check if he could log on because as soon as I got my PSP he got his passwords back, like nothing even happened to them.

Anyways everything's nice till this morning, when I try to sign onto my FB and hotmail.
Now I don't know how he did it, but my passwords got changed too, and I never told anyone the new ones

REMEMBER I SAID, MAMA DIDN'T RAISE NO FOOL!

circumstances like this was already planned for... I gained access with an unknown password, lol

The point is that I just win and there's nothing you can do about it.

That Fucker!

Bryan fkkn hijacked my PSP

nigga you cant be taking my PSP! NAH!!

This called for Operation:PSP.

I have already given the brothers a call. scare him a little bit.
Changed all his passwords, lets see him try n get on facebook and msn... and in 2 hours ill be showing up at his house with 2 of my brothers behind each shoulder! (Oh yeah and their deezed! Like DEEEEZED!!!!)

And I want my silver limited edition PSP, the games, and travel case, and the charger!

Guys, I don't play!

And I know hes like: Amanda only has 3 more weeks till shes gone to Ottawa and that PSP is mine....!!

FUCK THAT! Im not gonna let that fkkn short ass aisan looking spanish guy that has no friends and cant do shit for himself walk away with MY PSP!

I got him his job at LCBO, got him into school, in a program he liked, my mom is his emergency contact!
That can't gwan!

I'm getting my shit back... that or the cost of the console, the games and the case, I think 6-7 bills is a nice round number.

There is no wrath like a woman's scorn.

Ex-boyfriends have been taken advantage of their ex's since the beginning of time... this shit has to end!

fucker!

If anyone is wondering, Yes I got my PSP back.
I went to his house where we was sitting outside got Chris and Winston to get my thing back and he gave it in what I gave him to be our memory box. Im glad to have my PSP but he left some personal things in the box like government issued things that he should have taken out... so, if your reading this Im gonna give the box to a mutual friend n you can have that shit back.

Im sorry im boring

Really guys my life is really boring, and that's why I haven't really posted anything personal. I have nothing to say right now actually I just thought you guys may want an explanation to my absence.

Oh and blogging is really hard and time consuming.
First I have to think of what to white about, then how am I gonna right it, then adding the pictures and everything, then the formatting, like what I want bolded and what centered and all that ish... so I just read all my other blogs first before I do it. But I have like 15 other blogs that I read, so sometimes I just dont get around to it.

But here are a few things floating around my head right now:

1. I was chatting with @bcrockz on twitter this one time and then all these random people started coming into our chat room and there was no control. Catch me with the camera in the corner. Bcrocks with the hat n his cousin Matt the headphones guy.

2. I cooked today. Brenda is teaching me how to cook for when I live in my house that we all don't starve. Cornbeef n rice baby! lols I added the tomatoes too for decoration, like they do at Sunrise.

3. I was doing my usual blog hopping and I ran across this picture. Honestly I ran this pic by my sis and we concluded that this chick is super dope! Spacers, gold chain, fitted and a tatt on her middle finger. It doesnt get any better then that. I kinda wish I was that cool too.4. Believe it or not but everything in this pic is graffiti... I just thought it was interesting.


5. If you want to see Joe Budden response to him getting punched you can click here, but I mean... what more is there to say. But its here if you want

6. Solange is the fkkn greatest, wanna know why?cuz she put a part in her bald head

and she rocks shoes like this!
She just rocks

7. If Mac ever made a tablet/touchpad laptop... the game would be over. And as a fellow PC user i would just have to say R.I.P.


that's all for now folks

I am Getting to Tired of this

It seems I cant get away from seeing this shit. Police taking advantage of their uniform. Its disgusting really how they believe they can treat people and then just call it justified because of the minimal threat they posed.

I believe that I live in a world where positivity just roams free and everyone is treated they way they deserve and people are good... I know it cant be true but its disappointing when I find out that I'm wrong once again.

These police were recently found not Guilty for their use of "excessive force"
Not Guilty for beating up a driver and his passengers 1 person to approx 6 police men. smh
No matter what the crime they did, they came out of the car and were willing to accept their arrest... was this needed?

Her threat was that she had a knife in her hand.
She's an old woman walking with a cane... what possible threat could she have really posed?

Get on my Level

Today I was talking the the Dukes and somehow we got talking about guys taking us out on dates and where the bring us and such.

And I told her about the dude named Ade, who took me on a date and wanted to bring me to Kelsey's. Now Kelsey's has good food and everything, but honestly that's where your going to take a girl to eat that you want to impress?

(FYI not impressed... thus not feeling him)

1. It was Kelsey's and I was kinda expecting something more along the lines of Moxies, Milestones, ...you know
2. Its literally 3 seconds from my house, at least take me somewhere new
3. I used to work at that Kelsey's

That's 3 strikes!

Then recently I've been kinda feeling my ex again, Nathaniel. I just wasn't sure if I was feeling him because I genuinely like him, or because he likes me. I chilled with him this weekend and saw his hotel.

What I saw was 5 guys sleeping in one room at some random Ramada Inn... I mean what if one of you got lucky?

Randal on the other hand, was sleeping in his own room at One King Street West Hotel. I don't know if you know where that is, but its REALLY nice in there. he had a TV, desk, chair, stove, washer and dryer, sink, fridge, and all that junk in his room.

So no, not feeling Nathaniel anymore, I just feel like I want to be involved with a guy who's able to get a nice hotel with their own room and take me to a nice restaurant. I really don't think it's a lot to ask.

if your Up

If your Up come watch my boy Mr. chambers, the man behind opinionated Hater:

Ill be back by 10... sorry

Today after work I went home... I literally looked in the mirror and decided that this is a good outfit and cannot be wasted on work. So I Called Vanessa

Ah the reasons why I love Vanessa:

1. Shes down for anything.. Ill say lets go to a lesbian strip club n get lap dances, n she'll be down
2. We share the same feelings about the same people. Hate the same, love the same
3. We are both Strange, but Great... what can I say

Went to Kelsey's and we had Coronas, Lobster and Crab linguine, warm brownie and cold ice cream, and sat on the patio n just chilled and talked about life, like we always do. I love good company!I'm debuting the natural hair

Get to know her at The Same as it Never was

Then on the bus ride home some accident happened.

Apparently there was some guy choking a taximan and the taximan was driving all over the road... and I was sleeping (or trying to) but woke up to shouting and then the bus stopped by the taxi man and the guy was still in there choking him and the bus scared him away.

So I had to stay and take a statement and blah blah blah... alot of waiting.

I felt bad for the taximan though. He was an old black man that is just trying to support his wife and kids (that I am gonna assume he has)

This is the Ambulance, and the taxi.. I don't know if you can see that well though
this guy is the hero: he ran to the Taximan and was the one that scared the attacker away
taximan in the grey shirt, and the EMS and Firefighters are putting a oxygen mask on him

Sorry the Pics are bad.. I was creepin soo hard just to take them.

It took me 2 hours to get home

Tip for the ladies:
When Walking home alone in the wee hours of the morning or evening walk on the road.
I don't know about you but where I live there are a lot of trees and bushes and shit on the sidewalk. And anyone could be hiding in there just waiting for you to pass by so they could pounce on you
so Choose the Road,
Its lit, and easy to walk on, and if anyone if trying to pounce on you it gives you more time to see them and to react and RUN!

And a girl running in the middle of the street in the pitch of night is never something good... so hopefully a car will stop and save you!

Life is (Un)Fair

I don't know if many of you have noticed already. Those of you that see me often and are around when bad things happen in my life. But I consciously try to keep a smile on. I try to look at the good things and just understand why this happened to me.

I am the biggest believer in Everything Happens for a reason and there are no such things as coincidences. And that there is too much good in this world to be focusing on the bad

For example take a look at the time I am posting this and my last post. Usually I wouldn't becoming in this early but something happened that lead me to my house at this time. I am kind of upset, but at the same time I know, it probably wasn't meant to be, me being there. (Although It would have been very nice!)

I am trying to justify the reasons for me being at my house right now and all I can come up with is the selfishness of another. But I am just going to believe that there was a reason that I don't know or understand that justified his actions. And thats enough for me to live with

If you know me. most likely you haven't known me for very long. I don't have a group of friends that I have grown up with me or those from elementary times. Probably because I made the decision to go to far schools which ultimately made it hard to keep the friendships i had. But on the other side. The friendships I do have now, I try to make the most out of them.

I believe in spending time with someone. And not so much in a group setting, because then its you interacting with a group and not trying to get to know the person individually. How they act when they are alone, is who they really are. With no pressure from others. That is the person in all my friends that I want to see. Who you really are.

I believe I also try to do this because I really want that kind of friendship where I have known a person all my life, but since I dont have that I want a strong friendship. I just want people in my life who are down for anything and Believe in me and Trust in me the way I would believe and trust in them too.

Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT a loner. I have friends, but sometimes when I want to do things they are not available or whatnot. Whether they live to far, or doing this or that.

As Simple Plan Said:
"I think I got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them"

I guess thats why I am so willing to go out to do things with people when they invite me. Because I want to build a friendship with someone. but it upsets me that with guys they want more then a friendship. I just want to be that girl that you like to spend time with. That girl that you invite out downtown just to have a hotdog with and talk about life. I'll gladly be that girl.

But back to everything happening for a reason.
I dont know if i believe in God so much as the rest of my family does, but I do believe in the universe and balance. I believe that everyone deserves good unless they have done bad. And there is too many little good things that go unnoticed in this world.

For example I always try to comment on other blog posts because I know the feeling I get when I see I have a comment.
Or understanding/believing in peoples decisions, because I would want people to do the same to me
Or spreading the bed, accepting an invitation, being welcoming, smiling, hugging, pouring a drink, giving a massage.. I don't know a lot of little things

And I guess people just don't understand how the power all the little things together can make a person feel and that's why they don't return the favor can be discerning. But I don't stop because all I want to do is make my company happy, and hope they appreciate it.

That's why I say there is too much good to focus on the bad. Because even though I may have turned 20 and received only a gift card and a bracelet, I sometimes work extra hard just to find company to go out with, fell my opinion is unheard. I smile, because why should I be sad?

There is too much that life has to offer for me to dwell on the negatives. That's why I say, you only live one life, so make it worth it. Everyone knows you have to take the good with the bad. Its how you react to it that matters.

I know that sometime Ill find myself walking home in the rain without a umbrella and some unknown time in the night all scared and shit. I know that Ill make it to my house, to my bed, where I'll go to sleep and wake up to a new day.

ps. to all my friends that have noticed the small things, Im glad I made you smile!