Life is (Un)Fair

I don't know if many of you have noticed already. Those of you that see me often and are around when bad things happen in my life. But I consciously try to keep a smile on. I try to look at the good things and just understand why this happened to me.

I am the biggest believer in Everything Happens for a reason and there are no such things as coincidences. And that there is too much good in this world to be focusing on the bad

For example take a look at the time I am posting this and my last post. Usually I wouldn't becoming in this early but something happened that lead me to my house at this time. I am kind of upset, but at the same time I know, it probably wasn't meant to be, me being there. (Although It would have been very nice!)

I am trying to justify the reasons for me being at my house right now and all I can come up with is the selfishness of another. But I am just going to believe that there was a reason that I don't know or understand that justified his actions. And thats enough for me to live with

If you know me. most likely you haven't known me for very long. I don't have a group of friends that I have grown up with me or those from elementary times. Probably because I made the decision to go to far schools which ultimately made it hard to keep the friendships i had. But on the other side. The friendships I do have now, I try to make the most out of them.

I believe in spending time with someone. And not so much in a group setting, because then its you interacting with a group and not trying to get to know the person individually. How they act when they are alone, is who they really are. With no pressure from others. That is the person in all my friends that I want to see. Who you really are.

I believe I also try to do this because I really want that kind of friendship where I have known a person all my life, but since I dont have that I want a strong friendship. I just want people in my life who are down for anything and Believe in me and Trust in me the way I would believe and trust in them too.

Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT a loner. I have friends, but sometimes when I want to do things they are not available or whatnot. Whether they live to far, or doing this or that.

As Simple Plan Said:
"I think I got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them"

I guess thats why I am so willing to go out to do things with people when they invite me. Because I want to build a friendship with someone. but it upsets me that with guys they want more then a friendship. I just want to be that girl that you like to spend time with. That girl that you invite out downtown just to have a hotdog with and talk about life. I'll gladly be that girl.

But back to everything happening for a reason.
I dont know if i believe in God so much as the rest of my family does, but I do believe in the universe and balance. I believe that everyone deserves good unless they have done bad. And there is too many little good things that go unnoticed in this world.

For example I always try to comment on other blog posts because I know the feeling I get when I see I have a comment.
Or understanding/believing in peoples decisions, because I would want people to do the same to me
Or spreading the bed, accepting an invitation, being welcoming, smiling, hugging, pouring a drink, giving a massage.. I don't know a lot of little things

And I guess people just don't understand how the power all the little things together can make a person feel and that's why they don't return the favor can be discerning. But I don't stop because all I want to do is make my company happy, and hope they appreciate it.

That's why I say there is too much good to focus on the bad. Because even though I may have turned 20 and received only a gift card and a bracelet, I sometimes work extra hard just to find company to go out with, fell my opinion is unheard. I smile, because why should I be sad?

There is too much that life has to offer for me to dwell on the negatives. That's why I say, you only live one life, so make it worth it. Everyone knows you have to take the good with the bad. Its how you react to it that matters.

I know that sometime Ill find myself walking home in the rain without a umbrella and some unknown time in the night all scared and shit. I know that Ill make it to my house, to my bed, where I'll go to sleep and wake up to a new day.

ps. to all my friends that have noticed the small things, Im glad I made you smile!