if only

If loved ones never perished, how great would that be? If I could spend that day with anyone in the world I wouldn’t spend it with no one but the ruler of the heart. My late grand-mother. From the day I was born till the day she took her last breath, my grandmother did nothing but shower her love onto me. Living with my grand- mother in Canada was a total bliss. It was always nice to wake up to the aroma of pancakes and eggs cooking in the kitchen. When I was old enough to attend school I moved back to America. Even though I was forced to live in America, my heart was always in Canada. I was only allowed to see my grand-mother during summers because that was the only time school was let out. My grandma always shed tears of happiness when summer began, and then when the summer was over, shed tears of sadness. As the years went by my grand-mother got older and weaker; it only tore my heart into pieces to see how she was slowly going. My grandmother was no longer that fierce lady that raised me. Instead she was just a humble old lady who barely spoke and just kept to herself. Tears always accompanied me when I use to visit my grand-mother and she didn’t even recognize me. My siblings would laugh and jeer at the fact, but this just made me hurt.
When my mama died so did my love for God (though in time I did forgave him). I became so angry with him I blocked him out my life. I felt like if people are just going to die, then what’s the use of getting to know them. My mama was my everything. I even blamed myself for her death; blamed myself for not spending more time with her. If I could have her back the cloud that shadows my heart would surely clear away. She and I would do the things we use to do when she was fierce and had fire in her eyes. We would sit outside on the porch, break a coconut, and drink the milk inside. We would go out and water the flowers to keep us company all summer long. We would take a walk around the block just to stretch our legs and stop at the convenient store for something to drink.
If I was granted this request, to spend the day with my grand-mother for one day, I would ask her to give me some words of wisdom. My grand-mother and I would just talk about all the problems I’m facing today, and it would just be in her nature to have an answer to everything. Then before our time was up, I would ask her to teach me one more reading from the book of psalms. Then we would chant it together until our day was over.